Remembering Lois Roach

Readings: Job 12:10-17; Psalm 121; Canticle 12: The Song of Creation; Matthew 6:25-27

Eulogy by Betty Carmack

Homily by the Rev'd Margaret Dyer-Chamberlain

October 19, 2025

So who was Lois Roach?  I knew her but then again there’s so much more I didn’t know so, 

I reached out some parishioners, particularly those who were part of Kaffekletch of which Lois was a regular member, for their memories of Lois as I wanted today’s eulogy to be as complete as possible. Thanks to Peter and Linnea, Mary Pryon, Nancy Sabin as well as Betsy Eddy, Cameron Partridge and Margaret Dyer Chamberlain for their memories and thoughts about Lois  --the Lois we think we knew.

We knew her but then again there was lots we didn’t know.  That became more obvious to me as I worked on this eulogy.

We think she grew up in S. California and her family had a ranch.  Perhaps that was the stimulus for her love of science and particularly, her love of animals. We think she taught science in elementary, or maybe middle school, for over 30 years and we think we remember her saying she liked teaching science experiments to her students.  We think she was married but we’re not sure.

We do know she loved the tenor Placido Domingo just as she loved opera, so much so that she frequently used an opera stage as the background when she was on zoom. She was a member of the Placido Domingo fan club and would fly to LA to see him perform.  She once showed me photos of the two of them together.

She told Cameron that she participated in a “Lois Club”, a social group of girls named Lois. We know that she was a collector of various items.  She had many quilts and old sewing machines, the ones with cabinets.  She loved antiques, especially antique bottles of which she had a valuable collection.  I remember one she brought to show us, shaped like a pig and quite valuable because of its uniqueness.  I remember we were very careful as we passed it around because she kept reminding us how valuable it was.

We know that she took on the role of President of the Fromm Institute Student Association, and we think at some point she may have led her teachers bargaining association.  But we’re not absolutely sure.  She was described as someone upbeat and fun to talk with, having a good sense of humor. 

So that’s some of what we think we know about Lois outside of St. Aidan’s. Not really a whole lot.

Earlier this week I was struggling with writing this eulogy. It just wasn’t coming together for me.  And then I was blessed by having a conversation with a very wise friend, someone whom I respect mightily for her sensitivity, compassion and wisdom.  Thank you, Deacon Margaret.  You helped me realize that maybe we don’t have a lot of details about Lois’s life but what we do know tells us volumes about her and what mattered to her.  And isn’t that really more important than some of her life’s details.

  We absolutely knew Lois to be a child of God.  We also knew her as someone who cared mightily for St. Aidan’s by all the ministries in which she served here.  And because of that, I have a strong hunch that St. Aidan’s meant a lot to her.  I think while she was giving a lot to St. Aidan’s, St. Aidan’s was giving a lot to her --- the relationships she made --- friends, clergy --- I think those relationships nurtured her and allowed her to know her value  to others, whether  at an organizational level or an interpersonal level.

Here at St. Aidan’s she chaired the Prayer Chain. She served as archivist during the time Tommy Dillon was our priest. While Tommy was here, she chaired the live and silent auctions for our Dymphna Galas--- that was a huge job working to coordinate the auction items, working closely with Betsy Eddy who was the overall coordinator of the galas and Dymphna productions, and she did that because it mattered to her. Speaking of Dymphna, one year Lois was one of six of us, women of a certain age, who were strippers, “Sadie’s Ladies”.  Yep, Lois was right up on stage with Natalie Lloyd, Barbara Purcell, Helen Crowell, Mileva Saulo Lewis, and moi.  We even hired a professional stripper to come give us a lesson in how to do “the” dance.  Lois was right up there with us.

Another role she took on was helping with the coordination of a massive garage sale we had here in the sanctuary.  Over the course of a week she and Natalie Lloyd worked late at night, long after the others of us had gone home, and then they’d go out to dinner, often at Delancey St, as they were both night owls.  Coordinating, organizing and working that sale was a huge undertaking. And we know Lois stepped up to the plate and did it because it mattered to her.

We also know she was someone who loved dogs, sometimes having 3 at a time. She was particularly attached to toy fox terriers. I remember that she would buy a particular van based on its ability to hold 3 large kennels, each of her dogs having its own kennel.  She would bring her dogs with her both to church here and to Fromm and would check on them frequently during the day. Having shade available was an absolute requirement. She also had a tortoise, a quite old tortoise, that I think lived in her backyard.  Lois cared deeply for God’s creatures --- we know that about her. They mattered to her.

Lois was hugely important in creating our Companion Animal Memorial Services.  She was part of our very first one in 2007 along with Rev. Dianna Wheeler and me, and she worked on subsequent services.  This service with its ritual and ceremony meant a lot to her and she believed in its value and what it offered those grieving their companion animals. It mattered to her. We know that about her.  She personally knew the pain of losing beloved animal companions.

One of the things Lois reminded me of was that we can have different political opinions and perspectives, yet we’re called to respect and listen to each other.

  So here we have it.  We may not know a lot about her life but we know what mattered to her and we know what she showed us. She lived out her values.  She was a child of God who cherished and cared for creation;  an animal lover, protector, and caregiver to numerous animals throughout her lifetime.  When she cared about something she willingly jumped in with both feet and took on major responsibilities.  She cared about people and wanted to help as she could. She certainly played a significant part in the ministries of St. Aidan’s, and St. Aidan’s, I think, made a significant contribution to her life, too. Isn’t that what we want church --- St. Aidan’s to be --- a place of meaning and nurturance. A place where we can participate in ministries that callus and invite us to use our gifts in ways that matter to us.

  For all she gave to our world on many levels, our parish and to us as individuals, we say thank you, Lois. Thank you for showing us what really mattered to you, what was important to you and how you manifested that in the world.  You definitely shared that with us.   And today when we hold our Companion Animal Memorial Service, we will be doing it in honor and memory of you, too. Rest in peace, Lois, with all your beloved animals, rest in peace.

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May the words of our mouths, the meditations of our hearts, and the actions of our lives be acceptable in your sight, O God, our rock and our redeemer.

I feel like we are having a bit of an extended St. Francis and St. Clare moment here at St. Aidan’s this October – it is reminding me a little of our extended Advent custom! St. Aidan’s celebrated Saints Francis and Clare on October 5 and blessed animals in church - and today we have three additional celebrations going on. We are honoring one of our parish’s great animal lovers, Lois Roach, at our 10:00 service, we are doing our annual dog park blessings at noon at the Upper Douglass dog park, and we’re hosting our Animal Companion Memorial Service at 2:30. It all seems very fitting for creation season and particularly for lifting up the ministry and memory of St. Francis and St. Clare in our community.

I recently came across a book I hadn’t known about before – it’s called Common Prayer: Reflections on Episcopal Worship. It’s an edited volume of various folks’ thoughts about what’s special to them about the Episcopal Church. In fact, our very own Paul Fromberg from St. Gregory of Nyssa is one of the voices included. I recommend the book, both for those of us who might be new or new-ish to the Episcopal Church and also for those of us who might benefit from some “breath of fresh air” reflections about a church we have known and loved over the years.

One of the essays is by Rachel Marie Stone, a teacher, Episcopalian and author, and it begins with this line – “I am a little embarrassed to admit how much I love the Blessing of the Animals.” (Honestly, I could make the same confession.) Stone talks about how much she loves seeing animals in church, and not just on St. Francis Day. (I know that we in this parish share that love, with our long tradition of dogs coming to church.) She talks about how, as a child, she learned that the Puritan New Englanders would bring their dogs to church to warm their feet during very long and very cold services with what she called “endless sermons.” This brought to my mind the memory of my late dog Zilly who joined me during Covid-tide for our zoom services. I think I’ve mentioned before that he often left during the sermon, but he never skipped the hymns from the mini-choir.

Rachel Marie Stone also talks about the fact that, for us humans to think about how to love and honor creation can feel a little daunting, a bit abstract. But she points out that loving an animal, a little part of God’s creation, is not abstract – it’s very much grounded in reality – and it’s something we can get our heads around. “Love is particular” she writes, “and is inclined to overspill its bounds.”

Love for God’s creatures is woven throughout our scripture texts today, and that’s intentional because we are honoring the memory of our friend and parishioner Lois Roach. Betty shared with us a beautiful eulogy of Lois and it’s obvious from Betty’s reflections that we couldn’t imagine honoring Lois’ memory without raising up her love for God’s creatures. Lois modeled this love, she lived it, and she found great joy in her relationship with her animal companions throughout her life.

Our interwoven readings this morning begin with Job. In this scripture we hear about the absolute wonder of God’s created world and the gifts that we receive from God’s creation - “….ask the animals, and they will teach you, the birds of the air, and they will tell you… ask the plants of the earth, and they will teach you, and the fish of the sea will declare to you” Job writes. This text reminds us that the hand of God has created the life on this earth that we share, which is “the breath of every human being, the life of every living thing.” And it speaks to the fact that there is so much for us to learn from the beauty of creation.

Canticle 12, our next reading, is like a love song to God – it takes the appreciation for Creation that is introduced in Job one step further. Canticle 12 reminds us of how important it is to thank and praise God for all of creation. It poetically calls on all parts of creation to thank and praise God – from mountains and hills, to springs of water, to seas and streams, to whales, birds, flocks and herds, and human beings. This is a powerful idea – this idea that all parts of creation are “in it together” to praise God.

And so – how do we do this? How do we praise God? I think that this happens in many ways, and for me, on this day, I think about how we share in moments like the blessings of animals in church or in the dog park. I think about how we bless the tribute cloth that we create at our animal memorial services. In these moments, what we are doing, through blessings, is making our praise and love of the created world real. Right here and right now. Particular to our lives. When we remember Lois, we are holding her up as a beloved child of God. We are blessing her life and what she meant to us.

This brings me back to the essay by Rachel Marie Stone that I mentioned before, because in that same essay she talks about this idea of blessings in particular. In doing so, she references Marilynne Robinson’s book Gilead. The context in the book is that one of the characters recalled, as a child, blessing a litter of kittens. And the character reflected - “There is a reality in blessing…It doesn’t enhance sacredness, but it acknowledges it, and there is a power in that.”

For me, this quotation speaks to why I love the blessings of the animals and our animal companion memorial service so much. Because each of these moments are firmly grounded in reality. We go out into the dog park to offer blessings because the reality of life in San Francisco is that this is where our neighbors are with their beloved canine companions. We offer an interfaith memorial service because we can’t shake the feeling that there are folks in our city who are grieving the loss of special animals and might be feeling alone without a place of solace. And it’s fitting to honor Lois today because we know how much these blessings – in the dog park and in church and at the animal memorial service – meant to her. Each blessing, each of these moments, is sacred. Perhaps even more sacred because they are moments that so much a part of everyday life. To put it in Marilynne Robinson’s words, these moments of reality acknowledge sacredness. And each of us, wherever we are on our journey of faith, can offer these kinds of what I would call “reality-based blessings” in our world.

In our final reading this morning, from the Gospel of Matthew, we have the ultimate reminder about God and blessings and what is most important in life. Matthew counsels us - “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.”

This is powerful witness to the fact that we are, each of us, fed and loved and held by God. God has got us. To use the words of Psalm 121, God will keep our life, and keep us from all evil. Our help comes from God. What this means for us in our daily lives is that we need not worry - as long as we can keep our focus on the love that is brought to us from God. And sharing this love with others, in blessings and in moments of remembrance, is exactly what God is calling us to do. We do this together, in community. Perhaps we can even imagine that we are one with all of creation in sharing the love of God. And in doing so, perhaps we can remember the words of Rachel Marie Stone who wrote - “Love is particular, and is inclined to overspill its bounds.” Amen.